I get scared easily. It's not weakness, it's just that I've never truly been alone. From childhood to my teenage years, someone always had my back. Mom and Dad, they never left me alone once.
This blog wouldn't exist if I'd booked flights instead of taking this 30-hour train journey from New Delhi to Visakhapatnam. No worries, though. It reminds me of childhood travels with Mom and Dad, sweet memories that bring a smile.
Today, I'm alone on this train. Upper class ticket, but trains still pale compared to flights. Taking a flight is easy. Check in your luggage, lounge, eat, relax, board, and land in two hours. Peaceful, ambient, less hustle-bustle, fewer people, less chaos. Trains are just chaotic and, frankly, not very hygienic.
Now, the emotional part of boarding the train. You need to know, I'm not the strongest or brightest child. I get scared, I cry, I do silly things (typical "girly" stuff), but I'm not gay. It's just that my feminine side outweighs the alpha-male masculinity everyone expects. Bullshit machoism.
My older sisters have everything parents want in a son: strength, smarts, maturity. I'm just me. No expectations (though they do have a hell of a lot).
The crux: I can't lift heavy things or do chores. It makes me physically ill. You'd expect an 18-year-old traveling with his 50-something parents to help with eight heavy bags, but in my case, Dad, Mom, and Didi handled the heavy stuff while I carried a tote bag. Blame me, make fun of me, everyone does. I don't mind.
But it's not easy for me. Just pay a damn coolie to help! Job done, easy-peasy. This time, no plane to throw my luggage in. I had to carry my suitcase and backpack, an uphill task for me.
This time, no Dad. No shoulder power, no security. I was alone.
Whether you accept it or not, a father's role is crucial. He's the family's strongest man, the protector, the one who faces challenges head-on. I respect him, I salute him, I love him for being my Dad, an amazing human being who's always there. It's not easy being a father.
I laughed and missed him at that very moment.
I can't imagine not having him with me forever, on every path of my life. We all know, after all, that our time is finite.
I Love You Papa 💗
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